Reflection.

A cleanse. A cleanse can be good. I want to cleanse my mind, body, and soul. There's a problem that I have... it's called self-destruction.

Really, I'm not quite sure why I do it. It's odd really. If I feel so utterly terrible after I've gone on a binge, then why do I do it? Is it an addiction to food/sugar? I think it's a hate for myself. Soon, I need to take care of that.

Come Together

Why is Come Together just such a perfect song?

I'm coming, New Mexico

Soooooo. Guess what! I've just completed my application to St. John's College in New Mexico. I hope to have it all. And I think SJC will most likely help get me to that point.

New Beginnings

Tomorrow I'm starting a juice fast. I do these every now and again to clean the slate. Typically I feel shitty when I'm about to start, because that's the point. I do it because I'm sluggish. But it's different. It's almost like I'm embarking on a new way of thinking. I really need to get a good look at what I want to do, because I'm not totally sure. I know I need to be creative. That's a given. But I also want to help people. Then there's the money issue. I just want to be happy. It's not about pleasing others, because it's only okay if you accept it and make peace with it yourself. So maybe this fast is good. Maybe I'll achieve some clarity.

Any thoughts or opinions will go into the memory bank. Until then, I'm driving in a rainstorm with no wipers.

I just want to be that little kid with the cookie again. Honestly, I think my biggest decision was whether or not to leave my playdough out to dry.

I was just thinking about the road ahead, all of the plans I have going right now. Then I thought about actually getting to the end of the tunnel... being done with medschool and starting residency. What if I hurt someone? What if I can't handle the pressure? What's worse is that I'm not really concerned. I've got to get through all of this other crap before I even get there.

But still, what if I do do harm?

Trying

This year... it's starting off quite slow. I'm not sure if I like it much. Procrastination has kicked in full force, and I can only seem to read online.

What do I read? Gay stuff mostly. yourdailylesbianmoment.blogspot.com has been good to me lately.

Also... my lifeline: www.sparknotes.com. That's some awesome stuff right there. Can you believe that I've never read an entire book? Well, it's never ever happened. I've got some serious ADD when it comes to that stuff.

And what is it with girls? They're so fucking confusing, using, and maybe sneaky. Trust isn't flowing like wine these days. One minute they're in, the next they're out. I can't deal with the mindfucks anymore. Just can't. I'm tired.